Adulting

On the road to my village, we just left Awrir, its surrounding is so beautiful, it's Sunday so people are out with their families, soon we'll reach places were you wouldn't think people still live. I'm not dizzy yet, I still can write those words and listen to the old music on my phone that I forgot again to update.

I'm back from a break which was amazing, when I think about all the things I did and the people I met I can't really complain that it went by so fast, it was just as long as it should be, I rested enough to go back motivated to teach my kids and learn from them.

But, there should be always a but, home felt sad and cold, there is something that happened to my family when all of us the kids grow up and got jobs, it's like if we shifted from anger or happiness to sadness and silence. My relationship with my family wasn't always easy, I had my fair share of hardship with mom, dad and my brother, but now it is all different, different that I don't know how to deal with it or how to define it, I feel that especially with my parents, they seem happy for me but also tired, happy because I'm follwing the plan, they worked hard for that that's why they are tired, I can't talk around them what if I say something or do something not following the plan?

I guess that all of this is normal, we ended a chapter as a family, and there is silence waiting for the start of the new chapter and mostly the new chapter includes us the kids getting married and founding families, for some reason I don't like this, those chapters, isn't it enough that we only have few years on this planet why divide them to chapters and call it this is how things are, this is not only sad but extremely boring and some other adjective that I can't think of right now.

The same stupid conversation

I work, why do I need to justify why I'm working, like are you that conserned about my well being? cause if you really are you would know that me staying home where I'm sound and safe like you claim would drive me nuts. I know I'm living in bad conditions but it's my job, it's up to me and only me to accept those conditions or not. I had one of those conversations with another person yesturday, the same stupid conversation about manhood and womanhood and what's right and wrong what's my role in this life because I'm a girl, and as always the conversation ended by him asking me if I was muslim and that me reading so much books is no good.

I don't blame anyone having those opnions , whenever someone visit me here in this village where I work now, it seems so natural to start this conversation, like why a girl would accept this?

I work as a teacher in a village away by 7km from the road where rarely you can find transpotations if you miss the ones in the morning; I live in a tiny housse with 2 other teachers, the three of us in one room, first we had no water but the people in the village were nice enough to find a solution; they were afraid that we will run away from here like another teacher did, before us they had two other teachers who would teach their kids near to nothing, they stayed here two to three days every week, life is hard here even to them who were men.

People here are nice, not only because they want us to teach their kids which is not some kind of charty we are doing it is our job but because they are nice and generous by nature.

It's hard living here I won't lie, sometimes I get so upset that I spend most of my day sleeping, but I grow to like it, its people, nature around us plus there is internet, and I got attached to my kids I'm doing my best to be a good teacher they didn't choose to be born here and they deserve education like any other kid in this world. 

My space in the room, I have a wall better use it

the source were we bring water 2km from the village

my salma

peopel send us food all the time what can we ask for more

I accepted this job because it's making me grow, it's making me a better person, trying to explain this to someone who thinks that woman's place is her housse near her parents or husband and kids is not something I would like to go through again but I still do it maybe someone will understand or at least know that we exist and we can take full responsability for our decisions right or wrong.

Random thoughts #4

I watched a movie today about this girl whose name is saga, this 14 years old student will arrive to this middle school with loud boys and shy and passive girls, the boys were encouraged to continue like that thanks to their teachers and when Saga arrives she’ll try to change that, things will happen and she’ll make a change even though not that big but it’s change anyway; I loved this movie it’s funny I’m 23 years old that movie was destined to teens but whatever I like it anyway.

I’m counting my days before the end of summer, it seems like I did nothing and I feel guilty for waking up every day late. But to think about it, I read two books not much but I read something, I traveled to Rabat for the first time, and I did good in the tests I had in early august, I want to do more go out and have fun but with who, it seems like my friends are busy with their lifes not that I have much friends to start with, anyway if I want to spend those 10 days that I still have left in my break I should learn to enjoy the company of myself.

I really want to enjoy the rest of my break but I won’t lie I’m so excited about the start of the school year, it would be my second year teaching, last year was nerve rocking, so many bad things had happened that quitting crossed my mind several times, but this year I feel ready, ready to accept that it won’t be easy, ready to learn, add to this the girls club we are planning to form my friend and I plus the library I want to make for the pre schoolers, so many things to do, that’s why I’m supper excited.

A week in Tata

Tata is one of the those small city that I happened to hear about, but never knew were it was or imagined that I’ll go to it one day but it’s life you’ll go to places you never imagined you’ll visit, so because of my work I had to go there for a week, I had no idea what to expect, and I wasn’t expecting much what to expect from a city in the middle of the desert with no beach, but I was wrong that city was really interesting and I had a lot of fun, the city itself hasn’t a lot to see but the surrounding is beautiful.

First thing that will catch your eyes in Tata is the traditional wear of the women, not all of them wear like this but some still go out like that, a girl from Tata told me that the long dark scarf is called Adal and the long skirt is called Lizar mostly they wear those two specific colors.

The other two things that I found so funny in Tata were the ugly bus and that garden called “el9alb” the heart, I don’t know who came up with the idea of the name and the design of the garden but he is certainly genius hh.

And when I thought that this city has nothing more than palm trees and the sunny dry weather of the desert that attracts tourists from europe,

a friend suggested that we go out and walk by the river, I didn't even know they had one and it was so beautiful, we had a great time there.

And of course I couldn't leave the city without sending some postcards.

  

23

I promised myself to write this post every single year, and after writing it only once I was on the verge of convincing myself that I'm too tired to write it again this year, so stressed out and tired to think or read or write anything not related to my job right now, but for some reason I managed to collect strength and do it and I'm so glad I did how would I remember what happened in that year I had 22 if I don't save it on my blog just how? anyway that's what happened the year I had 22 years old or at least what I remember from it:

February 2016:

All I can remember is school, exams, friends and of course my beloved library, the only pic I could find about this month is this one from the restroom of this really beautiful cafe in Agadir; 

March 2016:

Looking actively for an internship with no result yet enjoying spring, going for the first time to Taghazout beach with the girls that day I'll never forget with a lot of wind;

April 2016: 

The second semester of the school year, boring classes that made me take the decision of never thinking about doing a master degree in economics, especially that logistic class, it was so slow that to pass time I was coping poetry on my note book so I won't kill someone. 

The highlight of the month was me doing something that I always wanted to do, I participated in my first marathon, 10 km my timing was so bad but at least I finished it.

May 2016:

This month I read ''le deuxieme sexe'' by simone de beauvoir, which is considered the feminist bible, what ever people say about this book good or bad it was one of those books that helped me grow and accept who I am, this month also was the last when it comes to classes before starting the internship which means exams and library;

June 2016: 

Started the internship that my sister found for me, since I failed at finding one myself, I'm not really proud about this I wished I had found it myself, but whatever I spend that whole month in that company in front of my computer preparing for my project which I presented by the end of the month some really stressing days.

July 2016:

My sister got married, I spend a lot of time with family preparing for the wedding, it was fun even though I hate weddings, the rest of the month I spend it reading and going to the beach with my friends.

August 2016:
My sister's second wedding, then the two weeks in Tamazight, then the realization that summer was already ending and I did nothing during it beside relaxing and playing with my little cousins.

September 2017:

I volunteered at Anir association, it was my first time and it just opened my eyes about how much I love working with children.

October/ November 2016:

Beginning the journey of looking for a job, seeing my friends chasing after master degrees, long boring days spent thinking and helping mom around the house and out. the highlight of those two months was my dear friend Soumaya coming all the way from Laayoune to Agadir for a really short visit, I didn't see her for a year and I missed her so much, I was so happy to see her again.

December 2016:

Finally finding a job, at a city I never paid attention to and a really far one from home ''Tata'' but I was so excited who would say no to new places new people and new experiences.

January 2017:

The first days of the new year brought a really sad news one of my friends died, I was so shocked how can a person disappear just like that, because of a small mistake, actually I still not get it, anyway LAH irahmou.

I had only few days before heading to ''Tata'' I spend it with my familly and I meet most of my friends because I knew I won't be seeing them untill summer. 

All this happened the year I had 22 years old, plus other things like sending my first postcard, cutting my hair really short by myself and crying a lot about things that I couldn't change, I did grow that's for sure by one additional year, now I'm 23 years old living at this village near ''Tata'' going through an experience I always dreamed about but that is an other story I'm going to write about in an other post, to all my friends reading this post or not I'm saying thanks for making my year an awesome one I miss you all.