Yesterday my sister asked me about my plans for next year, she doesn't know that now I’m lost, I can’t even think about the present, how could I think about the future? all my thoughts are negative, I can’t think about something positive, obviously I didn't tell her that, if I did she would be all why are pessimist, you shouldn't be like that, things are going to get better if you think positively, and I don’t feel like hearing this speech. so I told her what she wanted me to say, I seem to be doing this a lot lately, telling people what they want me to say, just trying my best to show that I’m thinking the right things, this way they will let me at peace.
Making new friends was always hard for me, I figured that a long time ago, that’s why all my friends are people I knew since primary and secondary school. talking to new people isn't the hard thing for me, maintaining the friendship is the hard part, my old friend do that for me they call me even if I don’t, they will push me to go out with them, they accept my character as I accept theirs. but now here where I don’t know a person, it’s just hard to maintain friendships that I don’t care about making, this problem is stressing me out. is this another type of social anxiety? Maybe.
Now all I’m doing is reading children books, and listening to Lana Del Rey songs, while I should be studying. I’m planning to change this, but not now maybe tomorrow!!! I should start studying, I need that piece of paper even if I don’t like to. it’s just a year I bore two years, adding another one won’t kill me right, maybe it will I don't know, I can’t be optimistic it’s just me those days.
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